Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Who-hurt-who.

There is something very scary about the possibility of repeating the same mistakes over and over again. The same errors, and in the same ways. The only thing that can possibly make sense is you senility. The same situations, the same foolishness. The same lack of redressal. The same thoughts over and over again. When was the last time you had reminded yourself not to feel compelled to erroneously infringe on your sanity again? When was the last time you had said, never this sort of person again? It's ridiculous. The more you try and prevent it, the more it seems to inevitably come back to irritate you. Never more than effect you, because it is so ephemeral, this ludicrous source of lunacy. This time, it was slightly different. This time, it was entirely through correspondence. Interminable e-mails floating over the distance of their two cities. Bangalore so far away, so completely out of the question. Yet, one never thinks about it. One only gets immersed, excrutiatingly. This time, it was not encumbered by proximity. Two people, so far, so distant, virtually separated by so many things. The last time, it was difficult to recognize, because it was in school, and everyone lived in the same cloistered room. No diversions, no egress, the same rooms and the same people in them. This time, even though there was nothing that really bound me, it still persisted. A long, long delusion. The same end. The same kind of fallacy. The same mistakes all over again.

Although, I cannot say that I didn't know it would happen in the end.

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